Need You Now
by cvreitzer
Summary: A one shot of Sebastian and Hawke finally coming together. From a prompt on the dragonage meme.


**Author's Note: This is a prompt from the dragon meme. Original prompt:**

**Sebastian and F!Hawke have very deep UST and _almost_ had an interlude some time ago, as in there was a passionate kissing, much heavy petting, pressing against walls moment...until they mutually agreed to stop. Sebastian because he felt guilt about his (already broken) vows, and Hawke because she doesn't allow anyone to get _close_ to her anymore, not since the loss of her sibling and mother, and also neither wanted to potentially jeopardize their deep friendship (or reasons can really be A!A's choice, but these give you an idea, maybe?). **  
><strong>Fast forward and that UST hasn't gone away, not by a longshot, and has actually gotten worse. They have both been under incredible strain and need that support that a loving relationship can bring. So, one night they finally give in. Inspired by a song I heard on the radio...<strong>

**And I wonder if I Ever cross your mind **

**For me it happens all the time **

**It's a quarter after one I'm all alone **

**And I need you now **

**Said I wouldn't call**

**But I've lost all control **

**And I need you now **

**And I don't know how I can do without**

**I just need you now**

**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**

Hawke made her way into her room, tossing off her armor as she entered it. She kicked the door shut no longer having to worry about disturbing her mother with her late night returns. She shoved aside the morose thought. Her mother's death still stung, but she was moving forward. Though it was getting harder to keep going.

Things were falling apart all around her. Kirkwall was falling apart. Mages and templars. Templars and mages. Bandits, foreign kings, blood mages, abusive templars, lies about companions, families torn apart in the madness of it all. Nobles demanding answers. Pressing her to do something.

Orsino wanting to use her to put Meredith and the templars in their place. Meredith wanting to use her to put Orsino and the mages in theirs. Top it off with Elthina refusing to say anything to any of them. How much was one woman supposed to take before she just threw in the towel and fled?

She jerkily pulled her tunic out of her pants and tossed it over her head. Her pants came next as she kicked her boots off. She made her way to her mirror as she grabbed a clean tunic. His tunic. She paused as she ran her hands over it. Imagining his form filling it. Imagining it still had his smell in it. She forced the tears away. No use focusing on what could never be, she told her self angrily and tossed the tunic away. It was time to let it go. Let him go.

She stormed to her armoire and pulled out another, but it wouldn't do. She tossed tunic after tunic out of her closet. She knew she was being foolish and irrational, but nothing would sooth her like that other one. Nothing would make it so she could shove aside the crap that filled her life and just sleep.

She sighed, giving up and admitting defeat. So what if she was weak? No one was here to know it. She pulled on the tunic that was too big and curled up in front of her fire, remembering how she had come to be in possession of the tunic.

It had been a stormy day. They had been out, hunting bandits or slavers or one of the other groups she always seemed to be having to go after since she had come to Kirkwall. The storm broke loose drenching them as they dashed to the shelter of the caves.

They had built a small fire and huddled together waiting for the rain to stop. She hadn't been able to stop shivering though. The rain had soaked through her armor to soak her tunic. Sebastian had more protection in all his armor with his heavy fur jacket. Ever the gentleman, he had quickly pulled off his armor and draped the jacket around her.

For a time it had helped, but as she had kept all her wet things on, the jacket quickly lost his heat and she began shivering again. She tired to hide it. She was already painfully aware of him next to her. She hated her shameful lust for the good man who sat next to her.

He shared her shameful secret. He wanted her as well. She had never thought that he saw her as a man did a woman until she had teased him after helping him confront his family's killers. He had flushed at her teasing flirt, looking at her wide eyed as her words sunk in. And it had started something between them.

Casual glances that were filled with heat. An accidental brush against the other that lingered longer than was necessary. Getting closer and closer to the other as they had danced one night at a stupid noble thing her mother had drug her to until she was flush against him. His strong arms supporting her, guiding her through the steps she was unfamiliar with.

He saw her shivering and without thinking had stripped off his shirt. Hawke drank in the sight of him shirtless. All those hours spent in archery practice had left his arms, shoulders, and back broad and muscled. They rippled as he moved, causing her cheeks to flush as she quickly turned away before he saw her hungry look.

He handed the tunic to her, turning around so she could get out of her wet armor. She had hesitated only a moment, never feeling his eyes devouring her as she changed until she looked up. Their eyes had locked and he had flushed, mumbling an apology as he turned away from her.

She had let it go. The rainstorm wasn't letting up and it was going to be a long night. No need to dwell on things that would only send her to the void. They had eventually moved back beside each other, visiting casually or sitting in comfortable silence. It had always been that way with them. Their relationship was easy so long as they ignored the mounting sexual tension.

But the cold seeped into Hawke's legs as she sat on the cold stones. Sebastian had slung his arm around her, pulling her close so they could share each other's warmth. It had all been innocent enough until Sebastian pushed a lock of her hair back. His hand lingered on her cheek before sliding down to her chin.

She sucked in her breath as he tilted her head up and lowered his lips to hers. She was too stunned at first to respond. It had been a long time since she's been kissed. She had friends, but she didn't take things any farther than that anymore. Too many losses had made her guarded.

He had pulled back, apologizing, but she didn't let him get far before she kissed him back. He jerked her to him, pulling her into his lap as he devoured her. Burning hot kisses that left her reeling and gasping for air. His hands caressing her back before gripping her hips and pressing her tightly to him.

She ran her hands through his hair, across his shoulders, down his back as he slipped hands into her shirt. His hands were so warm on her cold skin that she shivered again. His lips left her mouth to trail along her neck. She breathlessly gasped his name.

And it shattered the spell they were under. Each had pulled away from the other moving across the cave. Each mumbling apologies and explanations. Both too embarrassed to look at the other.

It was the rain, the cold, the cave. It was just a moment. It was wrong. He had vows. They were neither one willing to lose their friendship over this small indiscretion. It wouldn't happen again.

And it hadn't. They had kept a respectful distance since then. He had been the rock she leaned on as things went from bad to worse. He was her closest friend, her everything really.

But Maker, how I need him right now, she thought. She didn't want to risk losing his friendship, but she would give just about anything to have him with her. His arms holding her tight, telling her it was going to be alright. And for once, she might actually believe it.

**-0-0-0-**

Sebastian drained the whiskey in his glass, frowning at the way things had gone. The nobles had all turned their backs on him. No one in Kirkwall would give him or his city any aid as he worked to reclaim his throne. All would want to ask favors of him once he had it back. And he would have it. That much was sure now. And then all of Kirkwall could go and…

No, not all of Kirkwall. There was one person who had never wavered in her support of him. Be it his 'I'm staying with the Chantry' or his sudden decision that he had to take his throne back. He let his mind wonder to her, though in truth she was never far from his thoughts.

He had been too angry the first time he had seen her to really see her as he all but ran her over when he had stormed off after fighting with Elthina. Then she had entered the Chantry to tell him she had killed all the assassins. He had seen her then.

A sad smile and eyes warm with compassion, all for a man she didn't know. She hadn't even realized he was a prince. He had wondered about that at first, but her shock had been genuine. He had pressed her with why she had taken a job she didn't know about. She had shrugged and looked uncomfortable. Eventually she had confided in him though.

Part of it had been having lost Carver so recently she had understood the rage and helplessness he was feeling. Part of it was because she had needed the coin for the Deep Road expedition. And the rest, she had embarrassedly confessed after a few drinks in the Hanged Man three years later, was to meet him. She said she had been drawn to him for some reason. He had told her it was the Maker's light in him. Though for a time he wondered if it had been a demon trying to torment him with things he could never have.

She was everything he had ever wanted and needed, but he had never known it. Until it was too late. His vows were barely taken before he got the word about his family. He had been in turmoil for years now, wrestling with what was right for him. She had been the one to point out that he should be more worried about what was right for the people of Starkhaven. She had quickly apologized, saying it wasn't her place to tell him what to do or what was right for him. It had angered him for a bit. But he realized he was angry at himself, not her.

He had sworn to give up selfishness when he had taken his vows, but here he was worried about himself while his home was being torn apart by greedy nobles whose only concern was bettering themselves. Hawke had always been the example of selflessness, serving any who needed her. Even though some of her methods and reasoning seemed wrong, she always meant well. She tried to make the world around her better. She had shamed him with her words.

He had prayed hard for a sign then. He didn't want to let the Maker down anymore, but he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. The Chantry had never been what he had wanted. It had been chosen for him. But he couldn't just walk away. It had saved him once before. But she had been the one to help him find purpose again.

As his feelings for her had grown, and his thoughts had turned inappropriate, he had feared that it was a sign he was weak. What sort of man would he be if he cast off his vows for her? He would never be worthy of her if he did. So he had struggled to stay until it had become apparent it wasn't right.

He couldn't close his eyes without thinking of her. He tried to keep his thoughts of her chaste, but it never worked. Inevitably they turned to that night in the cave. Of feeling her soft body pressed tight to his. Of her lips on his, her hands on his skin. The feel of her skin against his hands. The sight of her glorious body as she had changed. His prayer time was filled with thoughts of her, then back to praying, but then the thoughts drove out the prayer.

It had gotten hard to be around her. All he wanted to do was hold her close again. To kiss away the pain he saw in her eyes as she tried to deal with the chaos of the city. He wanted her to be by his side as he retook Starkhaven. He needed her to keep him focused and grounded. He needed her.

He knew what he wanted, he just hadn't had the courage to take it. But no more hesitating. He was free now. Why was he fighting so hard to keep himself from her?

"Chastity isn't for princes." He muttered to no one in particular. The bartender started to pour him another shot, but he waved him off. He tossed a few coins on the bar and headed for the door.

**-0-0-0-**

Hawke hadn't been able to stay in her room. She had roamed the silent house, looking for something to ease her mind. Something to distract her from him, from Kirkwall, from everything. It was getting hard not to pull on some clothes and run for the Chantry.

But it was late, and he was a good man. It would be improper for her to be in his room so late. And it wasn't as if he'd let on he felt anything like she did now. Since that night he'd been the perfect gentleman and friend. Never so much as a glance to let her know that he was in turmoil like she was.

He'd seemed oblivious to the way her eyes followed him everywhere. How she looked for excuses to touch him, be close to him. He'd never seemed to notice the way he said her name made her knees weak. Or that when he smiled it lit up her world. Or that a simple touch of his hand could reduce her to a mindless idiot.

She was starting up the stairs when the banging started. She turned to the door, hesitating a moment. She wasn't really dressed to be answering the door, but she didn't want the banging to disturb one of the others. What new disaster is there for me to fix now, she thought wearily as she hurried to the door.

"Sebastian?" She asked shocked to see the very one she'd been brooding about leaned against the door. "Is everything alright?" She asked looking around trying to figure out what was wrong.

"No. But it will be." He said and pushed past her. She closed the door, feeling embarrassed to be caught wearing his tunic, but there was no use worrying about that right now. She wrapped her calmness about her and closed the door back. She turned to find him pacing in the foyer. His gait was a bit off from his normal pace.

"Have you been drinking?" She asked shocked by this. Sebastian hardly ever drank. Even when he joined the rest of them out he nursed one ale all evening long. She knew from his talks he'd been wild before returning to the Chantry, but he'd put that life behind him now.

"A little." He answered and turned to her. "I need you."

"Let me get dressed and you can explain what's wrong." She nodded and started for the main hall. He caught her arm and spun her around to him. He moved closer and cupped her face in his hand, his other arm wrapping around her waist.

"I need you now." He whispered before he crushed his lips to hers.

Her eyes searched his as he pulled back a bit. "Sebastian, what about…" She started, but he cut off her words with another kiss, leaving her breathless and clinging to him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as his hands slipped to cup her bottom. He lifted her up, pressing her tightly too him. She complied and wrapped her legs around his waist, thankful he'd been at a noble function tonight and had forgone his normal armor. Andraste face belt buckle would have hurt.

He kissed her as he started for the main hall. They kissed and pawed at each other all the way to the stairs before he nearly tripped. He pulled his mouth from hers and gave her a sheepish smile, shifted her more securely in his arms, and hurried up the stairs to her room. She did her best to distract him with nips at his ear, kissing along his jaw, pressing herself tighter to him.

He kicked the door closed as she tugged his shirt up. He nearly dropped her and pressed her against the wall to balance them as he pulled his shirt off. He captured her mouth and walked back towards the bed. He tripped as he kicked off his boots and landed on the bed.

"Made it." He answered with a shrug causing her to laugh as she sat up on him. She lightly ran her hand down his chest, watching his eyes for any sign that he had changed his mind. All she saw was desire.

He ran his hands up her legs until he had a hold of the tunic hem. She lifted her arms, giving him the permission he had been wanting. He sat up as he pulled the shirt off, capturing her mouth as he slid his hands along her bare skin. Her hands ran through his hair coming to rest on his shoulders as his lips traced a path down her jaw and then neck. She arched her head back giving him more access.

He twisted, pinning her to the bed under him as he pulled back. He ran his eyes over her, marveling at the beautiful woman on the bed. The firelight danced along her skin that was flushed with her desire for him. She allowed him to look his fill as his hands lightly caressed her, his mind memorizing every detail of her. He made short work of her smalls and moved back to kiss her.

"You are so beautiful." He kissed her gently and lingeringly. "You've drove me wild for years now." He placed a kiss on her neck. "That night in the cave crosses my mind all the time." His hand stroked up her stomach, coming to rest over her breast. He held it there feeling the thumping of her heart that mirrored his own. "All I've wanted was to go back to that night and never stop. To tell you the truth of it all."

She stroked his cheek, needing the contact with him. "Tell me now."

He watched her, letting her see the truth in his words. "You're all I've ever wanted. You're all I've ever needed. I can't do without you." He lowered to her and whispered against her lips. "I love you."

Touches and kisses turned hungry and demanding as they let their burning passion direct them. Stroking, petting, nipping, and kissing each other as they pulled at the rest of his clothes. Finally they were both naked. It was her turn to explore his body, but he didn't allow her the chance. Need for her was too great.

When she started to protest he twisted her over, pinning her under him again. "You can do that later." He assured her with a wicked smile. "We have all night."

She wrapped her legs around him and used his distraction to twist them so she was on top. "Then what's your hurry?" She teased and ground against him. He closed his eyes at the feel of her wet warmth pressed against him but suddenly it was gone. He opened his eyes to protest and found her shifting to lower on the bed. "You are so amazing. Flesh carved from marble." She said reverently as she placed kisses across his stomach and hips. She glanced up at him, eyes dark with desire. "I don't want to rush this. I want to taste you." He started to protest, but then she was kissing him and all thoughts of refusal fled.

She lazily ran her tongue down across his hips and then up his length. He sucked in his breath as she circled around the tip. She hmmed her appreciation as she flicked him with her dainty pink tongue. Sebastian wondered if you really could go blind as pleasure surged through him stronger than ever before when her mouth descended upon him. She sucked and swirled, bobbing gently all the while stroking and teasing. He fisted his hand in her hair, wanting her to continue, needing her to stop. He didn't want to finish like this.

He gently but firmly pulled her until she released him. She pouted prettily, lips gleaming wet. He nearly spent himself just watching her. "I want you, Marian. I want to bury myself in you. I want to hear you scream my name." She sighed dramatically and gave him a teasing smile.

He grabbed her arms and jerked her forward, spinning them as he did. He pinned her to the bed, holding her hands above her head and slipped into her. Both of them groaned as he filled her. His mouth sought hers, loosening his grip on her hands. She slid her hands along his back, pulling him closer as they began to rock together.

She twisted them again and grinned as he groaned. She kissed him lazily as she rocked her hips against his. He rested his hands on her hips, steadying her as she sat up and began to ride him. He threw his head back, moaning her name as he drove up into her.

"Maker's breath, woman!" Sebastian panted as she slowed to a torturous near stop, rolling her hips in long slow circles. She smiled at him, a wicked gleam in her eyes as she ran her hands over her body, enjoying the way he watched her hands.

"What?" She asked innocently as he cursed at her. "You said you wanted to bury yourself in me. You didn't say I couldn't torment you anymore."

"Evil woman! Desire demons could take lessons from you." He said and wrapped his arms around her tightly. She didn't resist as he shifted her back to under him. "You want to play dirty, we will play dirty." He said, his eyes held dark promises that she desperately wanted and feared.

He gripped her thighs as he shifted to his knees. He lifted and spread her legs, supporting them on his forearms, effectively keeping her at his mercy as he alternated with slow teasing strokes and grinding against her. Changing the angles so he hit all her pleasure points at once, stretching and filling her. She whimpered and tried to fight him for control, but he wasn't going to allow it. He hooked her legs up on his shoulders, freeing a hand to rub her nub in time with his thrust. Sebastian was skilled in this department, a skill he thought he would no longer need, but was now grateful for it as his Marian screamed his name. She arched her back, clawing the bed. He drove her to her release before lowering her legs back to around his waist.

He pulled her up and she lazily wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him as he started to shift into her faster and harder. She tightened her knees around him and began matching his pace. They kissed as they ground together. He could tell she was getting close again. He was about to loose his control so he slowed his thrusting and let her take over until she began to tighten around him. He then matched her frenzied pace. Panting and moaning the two found their release and collapsed to the bed, sweaty and sated.

Sebastian recovered first and pulled her into his arms. She curled into him and sighed contentedly. She wanted to leave it at this. She wanted to hold onto this peace, this relief, this moment, but reality threatened and she was too fragile to be hit with another blow.

"What does this mean now?" She asked afraid to look up at him.

"I hope it means we do this again, frequently." He said and kissed the top of her head. She bit him.

"You know what I meant. Nothing has changed since that night. Well, nothing that would change this."

"Everything has changed, Marian." He paused worried about her reaction to his next bit of news. They hadn't spoken of his current plans or what he was doing. He wasn't trying to keep it a secret. He hadn't wanted to burden her with his problems because of all the things she was going through right now. And he never wanted her to think he was using her to get the nobles support. "I've left the Chantry. For good this time. I'm retaking my throne. Starkhaven needs me as a very wise and beautiful woman once said." He gave her what he hoped was a charming smile as she looked up at him.

"Is that why you've been meeting with the nobles?" She asked wondering what this meant for them. Maker, she hated being selfish, but she'd never hoped that she could actually have him. And now that he was here, she didn't want to give him up.

"I've been trying to get aid for the task ahead of me." He nodded and looked grim. She could just imagine how well that went over. The nobles didn't even want to help Kirkwall right now.

"If you need my help, it's yours." She offered and laid her head back on his chest. She wouldn't make a big deal out of things. She knew how hard it was when a city was counting on you. She wouldn't add to it with being one of those needy girls.

"Well, I can think of some help you could give me." He said. She looked up at him in question at his mischievous tone. She rolled her eyes at his wicked grin realizing he was mocking her for her first attempt at flirting with him.

"I wasn't talking about in the bedroom."

"So you won't allow me to stay?" He asked startling her.

"You want to stay here?" She asked sitting back on her heels to watch him.

"I had hoped that we would stay together now." He said slowly wondering if he had misread her all these years.

"Stay together?" She asked hardly daring to breath.

He smiled at her and caught her hand, bringing it to his lips. "Yes, Marian. I can't do without you."

"You will make a fine prince on your own. You don't need me."

"I do need you. And I think that I would do alright on my own. But my people deserve better than that. They deserve the best I can give them. And that is you by my side." He tugged her to him and cupped her cheek. "I want you with me. Now and forever, Marian. You aren't going to get away from me so easily now."

"I can't just abandon Kirkwall. They are on the brink of war. You heard what Sister Nightingale said." Marian answered chewing her lip.

"Nor can I. I won't leave Elthina in this mess. I won't leave you either. We will stay until the city is secure and then move to our new home."

"Our new home?" She teased him with an arched brow.

"Get used to the way that sounds." He grinned and tugged her back into his chest. "I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know that we are together now. Everything will be alright." She went still in his arms and he looked at her puzzled. "Marian?" He asked worriedly.

"Say it again."

"Say what again?"

"Say that everything will be alright." She said pulling back to look up at him. He wrapped his arm around her tightly and stroked her face lightly. He could see she needed this. She had been through so much, she needed someone she could lean on. And he was proud to be that man.

"Everything will be alright. Somehow, someway." He promised.

She curled into him and wrapped her arms around him. For the first time since they had fled Lothering she felt the knot of dread ease. No matter what the future threw at them, they would have each other. She wasn't alone anymore.


End file.
